The Boston Society of Bombardment

Being a rather large gentleman myself, I’m often amazed at how agility is essential in the game of bombardment. As an overweight-American, I represent the population that is unable to move at high velocity or twist my body in compromising ways (In order to compete then, I require a devastating throwing arm in order to stay dodgeball-viable. Unfortunately, i lack that particular skill set as well, which leaves me in the worst possible category: cannon fodder). My lack of ability has developed in me an affection for the Spider-Man-esque among us, who, with seemingly no thought, can twist, jump, dive and duck at high speed and with quick precision. The name of the game is dodgeball, after all, and often time evading an oncoming onslaught of rubber is the best way to keep your team alive.

So, here’s to you, you nimble, fleet footed lords of the dodgeball court. I hope you burn in hell.